Kill Me Now by Helen Price.
Drafts, Determination and a Very Large Dose of Desperation: A personal journey through rejection, resilience, and the long road to publication.
For many people, the idea of becoming a published author feels like something reserved for the young, the lucky, or the gifted. I used to believe that too. I didn’t start writing fiction until my forties. My teen son ran out of action-packed books to read and I thought: how hard can it be? Spoiler! Very! It’s taken me ten years, countless drafts of several books, and far more near-misses than I care to remember to finally, finally, reach publication. My debut young adult thriller, Kill Me Now came out on the 12th February this year and I am beyond excited.
Inspiration. Perspiration. Desperation.
Harlan Coben, the thriller writer, says it takes three things to make a writer: Inspiration – obviously; Perspiration – you have to put in the work; and Desperation. That fear of failing, of wanting and needing to succeed, has to be what drives you to keep going when things get tough. Resilience in this game is everything.
Like many writers, I started out with a simple assumption: write a book, polish it and submit it. Eventually someone will say yes, right? Wrong. Publishing is about far more than writing well. It’s about concept, timing, and luck – two of which are entirely outside a writer’s control. That third requirement – let’s call it resilience, not desperation, is the one no one prepares you for, perhaps because it’s painful. But it’s the grit that keeps you going when the emails don’t come back, or when they do, and the answer’s no.
Before fiction, my career followed a very different path. After studying languages at university, I worked in international HR and change management (corporate-speak for restructuring). I spent a lot of time giving people bad news, and it was a tough job at the best of times. I travelled, consulted, and wrote a lot of words. Mainly, these were boring corporate speeches, handbooks, policies, and staff communications. It was important work, and it paid the bills, but it wasn’t until fiction lured me in that I actually began to enjoy writing.
Trial and Error
In those early years, I wrote instinctively, learning through trial and error. My first book was a 150,000-word middle-grade novel. We don’t talk about that, and yes, I know. Don’t shame me. I was learning. But practice makes perfect, right? So, I wrote again and again. And again and again. I edited, rewrote, and continued to make things better. And each time I climbed back into those query trenches, I did so with renewed hope, only to have to climb back out and pick myself up again.
I attended festivals and talks, booked agent one-to-ones and workshops. I joined a local writing group whose mantra was “Serious About Writing.” Fab! I was. And I still am. We talked all things writing, and I rejoiced in the meetings and the socials. Hoorah! I’d found my tribe. Writing became something I couldn’t live without. An obsession almost. I went to sleep thinking about stories, and I woke up thinking about them. I threw myself into it, heart and soul. And still, the rejections came.
During that time, I came really close to securing an agent. I had interest from the loveliest of agents, but it didn’t work out. To this day, I remain sad about it, but that one was on me. She made a suggestion, and I wrote back in all my naivety, explaining exactly why it wouldn’t work. She ghosted me after that. So, yes. Lesson learned. Don’t do that.
Life Intervenes
On another occasion, a very keen agent offered me a revise-and-resubmit opportunity with detailed edits. Haha! This time, no arguments. I would do exactly what she asked, only I fell unwell. It was temporary, but months passed. By the time I submitted the edits, I’d missed the boat. It happens. Life intervenes. But now, I was getting more interest in my writing, fewer form rejections and more personal responses. These felt like huge wins, signs that I was edging ever closer to that all-elusive goal.
Five years ago, I made the decision to enrol with The Golden Egg Academy, an online organisation specialising in writing for children and young adults. We went back to the basics of storytelling, craft, and structure. I later completed their prestigious mentorship programme, and it was then that everything changed. But not immediately. My Golden Egg novel went out on submission and received nineteen full requests. But no offers of representation. I became disheartened. By now, I’d received enough positive feedback to know I was a good writer. But would I ever be good enough?
The agent and publishing contracts may have eluded me, but I couldn’t not write. This was who I was. Who I wanted to be. All that remained was to write something new. Again. And this time it flowed. The story was bold. It was a risk, but I had nothing to lose. What was one more rejection on my already burgeoning pile?
Kill Me Now
Only it wasn’t a rejection. Under Golden Egg’s First Look Deal, Chicken House Books saw it first. Barry Cunningham read it in a weekend and called me straight in. And that was it. Or was it? Because I still needed an agent. And in something akin to speed-dating, I had one of the most stressful weeks of my life. I met with seven agents in five days and received five offers. I’d finally got there and Kill Me Now is the result.
My writing journey here has taught me something important. Writing isn’t about talent alone, and it certainly isn’t about starting at the ‘right’ age. It’s about showing up, learning the craft, and continuing even when the outcome is uncertain.
People often say they’d love to write a book, ‘one day.’ My experience has shown me there is no perfect time to start – only the decision to begin. And Harlan is right. Desperation is the key. Because if my story proves anything, it’s that persistence really can make the difference between a dream deferred and one finally achieved.
(c) Helen Price
Author photograph (c) Kristin Perers
About Kill Me Now by Helen Price:
School golden boy Riley North had it all – talent, charm and a stellar future. Now he’s dead.
Guy ‘Reaper’ Mortimer, the funeral director’s son, stands accused of his murder.
Keen to clear his name, Reaper teams up with cute new girl, Samira; sweet but naïve Betty; and Riley’s two best mates, Bunsen and Snake. Together, they unravel the twisted layers of school, where secrets hide and deception is rife. But what starts as a search for answers soon becomes a fight for survival.
Because the killer knows the truth and is determined to expose it – one deadly sin at a time.
And Riley North is just the first …
Kill Me Now by Helen Price is out now in paperback published by Chicken House. Order your copy of Kill Me Now online here.
And read more Meet the Author articles on Writing.ie here.
