Interviews
Life Writing – Alana Kirk, Jane McKenna and Andrea Hayes
Memoir – or life writing – is becoming an increasingly popular genre. Gone are the days when only politicians and sports people wrote about aspects of their lives; now anyone with an experience or story that might resonate with other people can find a publishing deal. Here we talk to three such writers, whose books on the extraordinary lessons from ordinary lives have become bestsellers.
Alana Kirk
In Alana Kirk’s wise and warm book The Sandwich Years, she writes about learning to cope with the pressure of caring for parents and young children and how, in the midst of parent-care and child-care, she finally remembered self-care.
Did you ever imagine you’d write a book about this subject?
Not for a minute! I was writing about adventure and a lighthearted look at life. But then life took a turn and so my writing followed suit. Sometimes we write what we know, and sometimes what we know writes us.
How did it come about?
I had been writing a blog as a way to make sense of the horrors and humour of living what I called my sandwich years, squeezed between the needs of parent-care and child-care. My mum had had a catastrophic stroke just days after my third baby was born, catapulting me into a tsunami of care. I had actually written a novel but, while researching me, an editor at Hachette Ireland asked if I would write a book about my experiences.
How did you find the process of writing about something so personal?
Hard and wonderful. It was hard to dig so deep and go back to that pain. There were plenty of pages written with tears dripping down my face. But it was also a gift to be able to work through my grief and make something so positive out of something so gruelling. Realising how much I had changed through my experience and to be able to make sense of it on the page was cathartic.
How has the response been – do you feel your story has been a help to others?
There were many times during the process of writing my book that I wondered why I was doing it. Who was going to care? Why was I bothering? I was racked with insecurity that no-one would want to read it. But, like the blog before it, the point of life writing is to use an experience to connect to someone going through the same. The response was immense. I’ve had so many people write, email, tweet and ring in to radio shows I am on, to say they are going through the same and to know that someone has survived it has made all the difference to them. If anyone asked me why they should life write, I would say because it can help somebody else’s.
What advice would you give to someone who feels their life experience is worth sharing?
Think about what you have learned and that is what you share, along with your own story. It is the ordinary in life that can be extraordinary.
Jane McKenna
In Jane McKenna’s incredibly brave and moving book, Laura and Lynn’s Story: Living in the Shadow of their Smiles, Jane writes about the memory of her late daughters, dealing with grief, and how she set up LauraLynn to provide Ireland’s only dedicated palliative care service for children.
Did you ever imagine you’d write a book about this subject?
Not until I had reason to, which was when our second daughter was born with a congenital heart defect, and subsequently her older sister was diagnosed with leukaemia. I had always loved writing, and it was important to me to share our sad story, how we coped throughout and afterwards, as a memory to our girls, but also in the hope that it might help anyone suffering the worst loss of all – the loss of one’s child or children.
How did it come about?
Laura was born with a congenital heart condition, and I somehow knew our lives were changed forever, regardless of the outcome. However, when her final surgery came at age four, our worst nightmare occurred and while she was in theatre undergoing the surgery, our older daughter Lynn, never sick a day in her life, was diagnosed with leukaemia. Laura died the following day, and another nightmare began.
I did write a diary to Laura each day for the first year after her death, and continued on after Lynn’s passing 20 months later – at this stage, to both my angels.
I think sometime around then, I decided I would write a memoir to my girls, but it took many years before I had time to really get down to it, as I had set up the LauraLynn Foundation and was on a very busy road to oversee the building of Ireland’s first Children’s Hospice, which basically took up my whole life for many years.
How did you find the process of writing about something so personal?
I was surprised how hard I found it. Given I had been dealing so directly every day with the loss of my girls, in the process of raising funds and awareness of the need for a Children’s Hospice, I guess I felt I had done more in the area of bereavement counselling than most. I had also received counselling myself in the early years personally, and I spoke of the girls’ lives, illnesses and deaths at many events, on TV & Radio and various others through the previous twelve years or so.
However, sitting down and writing the story – going back to the very start and the horror of the hospital and that ‘awful’ night when our lives truly changed forever, really was very difficult. I do think too though that it was therapeutic and necessary in a good way. The time was also right, and I was so glad that friends shared stories of their journey with me, and that LauraLynn families shared their stories and love of LauraLynn House, and what it meant to them and their precious little ones.
How has the response been – do you feel your story has been a help to others?
I’ve had some beautiful feedback from people who have lost children, who said it gave them strength and helped with their loss and heartache. Some who were finding the loss of their child almost impossible, after reading our story, with how we not only coped, but turned an awful situation into something so positive, felt it gave them strength and courage to carry on.
I’ve also had a wonderful response with sales which I’m truly grateful for. I guess because of LauraLynn House, I was lucky to have lots of contacts and connection with media, so it was relatively easy to get the publicity I did get around it, which helped hugely in that area. The large circle of friends and colleagues helped greatly too, and again, I’m so thankful for that.
I always felt and hoped that if my story helped even one family not coping so well, then that was the real bonus. A cliché, I know, but very true!
What advice would you give to someone who feels their life experience is worth sharing?
We all experience adversity of one kind or another – no one gets through this life on earth scot free, though for sure, some get hit harder than others! I think whatever adversity one faces, if willing to share in their story, it can only be helpful to others. There is nothing more honest and helpful than someone who’s walked that particular road, sharing how they coped and carried on.
I often say to people I know who have had, or are going through cancer for example, I can’t know how you feel, as I’ve (thankfully to date) not had cancer or gone through chemotherapy, though I have a little knowledge, having watched my beautiful Lynn go through it. This is why I feel strongly about the sharing of life experience in whatever scenario, is so vital in giving hope and courage to others, especially in a particular situation.
Andrea Hayes
TV3 presenter Andea Hayes is bestselling author of Pain Free Life; My Journey to Wellness, which explores her life with chronic pain, and how she overcame it. Her latest book My Life Goals Journal is out now.
Did you ever imagine you’d write a book about this subject?
I had wild notions about writing a book, but not about this subject matter. Pain Free Life; My Journey to Wellness, chronicles my own deeply personal story of living with an invisible illness and persistent chronic pain. This daily struggle was something I kept completely private from my day-to-day working life in the media, so my decision to share intimate details of my personal journey was not taken lightly. I wrestled with the idea for many months, and, in truth it was my strong desire to highlight this deeply complex, and often misunderstood human experience that propelled me forward to write about my journey.
How did it come about?
After my second pain management program in St Vincent’s Hospital, I realised I still had a huge issue around my own ‘acceptance’ of my chronic condition. So, I wrote an article for Woman’s Way magazine and, while it was only 1000 words, it was a huge offering for me personally, as it was the first time I ever disclosed details about my experience publicly. After it was published I was overwhelmed with the response from people all around the country and a chain of events unfolded that lead me to decide to write more about this subject. I had initially pitched a TV documentary, which was rejected, so I set about detailing my own personal journey.
How did you find the process of writing about something so personal?
I could say it was cathartic, and in many ways it was, but ultimately it was very isolating and really tough as I didn’t believe in my story or myself. I can honestly say I was never convinced, even after it was published, that anyone would want to read about my personal experience.
How has the response been – do you feel your story has been a help to others?
I receive many emails and messages weekly from people who have found my book and want to share their story with me, somehow reading my experience has empowered them to articulate with confidence their own journey. For me it highlighted the far reach of this issue and it made me want to be more involved in the solution. I am now the vice chairperson of Chronic Pain Ireland and am an advocate for highlighting pain-related issues in the wider media.
What advice would you give to someone who feels their life experience is worth sharing?
Start today and just keep going. Don’t try to be anyone else or imitate anyone else’s writing style. We all have a unique viewpoint and journey in life, your personal experience cannot be duplicated so speak from the heart and find your own voice. People will respond to that honesty and integrity in your writing. I was told that writing is re-writing, you can’t edit what isn’t written so keep writing and you will find your way.
(c) Alana Kirk
About The Sandwich Years
The Sandwich Years is the heartfelt, inspirational story of the bond between mothers and daughters, and how one woman – through caring for the person she had relied on the most – finally found herself.
Alana Kirk, married with two children and a third on the way, often found herself stretched between the various demands on her time – parenting, marriage, work, friendship, self. But when her mother suffered a massive stroke, just days after the birth of daughter Ruby, Alana’s life became unrecognisable.
The next five years – ‘the sandwich years’ – were a time of heartbreak and difficult choices as Alana lost herself amid part-time caring for her mother, supporting her father and parenting three young daughters, while also attempting to get her career back on track. But it was also a time of growth and love as Alana rediscovered the joy her loved ones bring to her life, and learned how to find a way back to herself.
The Sandwich Years is a celebration of mothers and daughters, and everyday warriors.
(Previously published as Daughter, Mother, Me)
About Laura and Lynn’s Story: Living in the Shadow of their Smiles
Laura and Lynn’s Story recounts the heartbreaking tale of the McKenna family, who lost both daughters to illness 20 months apart. Laura, aged four, died very quickly and peacefully after the final surgery to repair a hole in her heart, having previously spent seven months of the first year of life in Our Lady’s Hospital for Sick Children, Crumlin and gone through three previous surgeries. On the day of Laura’s surgery, Lynn, aged 13 at the time and never sick in her life, was diagnosed with leukemia. Laura died the following day, never having woken up, and Lynn was already a patient in Oncology at Our Lady’s Hospital. After eight months of chemo and other aggressive treatments, she was in remission for about five months before she re-relapsed. While waiting for a bone marrow transplant her condition worsened, and there was nothing else that could be done. In her last week Lynn wrote letters to all who had been so wonderful to her, including her doctors; saw friends; said her “goodbyes”; arranged her funeral and wrote her will. When she was too weak to write, Jane did it for her, but she dictated.How she coped with her illness, her adored sister’s sad death and her own imminent demise is an inspiration to us – she wished it could be different, but accepted it with such dignity, aged just 15. She lived every minute of her last weeks to the full, which is how we should all live our lives. Knowing that she had to do something to deal with her grief, Jane set up LauraLynn House, Ireland’s first children’s hospice. Opened by President Mary McAleese in September 2011, LauraLynn House has provided hundreds of sick children and their families with the care, comfort and respite that a children’s hospice brings, especially the wonderful care at the all too sad end-of-life. Laura and Lynn’s Story is a tribute to two brave little girls whose lives were cut short, but it is also a testament to the remarkable resilience and determination of their mother, Jane, who was unwavering in her desire for something positive to come out of the tragedy. With numerous contributions from families who have benefitted from the care and compassion they received from the children’s hospice, this book is ultimately one about hope and courage.
About Pain Free Life; My Journey to Wellness
Irish broadcaster and producer Andrea Hayes is well known to the Irish public for her positive, friendly and down-to-earth persona on television and radio. Hidden behind her smile though, is Andrea’s battle with constant chronic pain. After over 20 years of unanswered questions, misdiagnosis, failed procedures and despair, the diagnosis of a rare neurological disorder, Chiari Malformation 1, in December 2013 set Andrea on a journey of wellness to become an empowered patient. Andrea’s compelling and candid story is an insightful and thought-provoking read, revealing the daily struggle of life with an invisible illness and the step by step personal pain management programme she has developed in her search for a pain-free life. Trained as a clinical hypnotherapist, Andrea explores the power of the mind, and challenges the language of pain to create a positive mind set. This transformative, enlightening, and inspiring book is a must-read for anyone suffering from or affected by pain or a chronic illness.The curative relaxation hypnosis that accompanies the book is an excellent mechanism for self healing, and will also provide many more positive effects than just pain control for any daily wellness routine.
Alana Kirk is a writer and journalist. She has travelled the world working for charities and writing their stories. When her Mum had a devastating stroke just four days after her third baby was born, her life was turned upside down. She began to blog about the struggles of being sandwiched between caring for the two ends of her life - her children and her parents. Over five years later, she finally found a way to thrive as well as survive. Alana still works for the non-profit sector as well as being a writer, and raising three girls.
