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Emerging Writer Member Profile

Berni Dwan

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Member Bio:

My first poetry collection Frankly, Baby, published by Lapwing Press, is available on lapwing.ie and Dublin City Library.

The second series of my show The A to Z of Historical Blunders will resume on Near FM 90.3 on Tuesday, January 22nd at 6 o'clock. Podcasts from series one can be accessed from www.oldfilibuster.com.

I performed my spoken word gig; Unrhymed Dublin at Scene and Heard Festival in Smock Alley on March 5th 2016. I regularly read my Frankly Blank Verse at Takin the Mic in The Irish Writers Centre

I teach journalism, history and English literature in Dublin. My work has been broadcast on Sunday Miscellany and The Quiet Quarter. The only object in life that I desperately want to own is a working time machine. Interested in the past; curious about the future, my new radio show The A to Z of Historical Blunders will run fortnightly for ten episodes on Near FM 90.3 from April 10th 2018.

Writing sample

IKEA bride

I see you in the sarcophagus warehouse carrying shadowed
baggage under each eye. Opulent wedding and honeymoon over;
you wear that ‘what have I done?’ expression; ‘pale and wan’ an
experienced observer would say. You buy cut-price furniture to turn
your overpriced house into a home. Your ‘surprise’ second trimester bump
is barely visible in your corporate clothes; you came straight from work;
the job you almost killed yourself to get; paid good money to learn the
skills to join a team to play a game you despised instantly. But you wear
your full corporate face every day and speak in full corporate dialect. They’ve
got you and will keep you for your vibrant years. You will land
pell-mell into your fifties and wonder - what happened? They will even
freeze your eggs, so you can do the baby business when you’re spent. But
let’s be honest; you weren’t up for the homemaker job either; you are not for

spending your days at playgrounds and school gates; parks and libraries. You
don’t know what you want; or, you won’t say for fear of being called selfish.
Your ‘girl friends’ are so sure of what they are doing, so happy with their
decisions; so right, so mature. They drop the fantastic and fabulous F words like
Stepford Wives. Their homes are location sets from Hollywood; their family photos
ready proofed for Hello magazine; their husbands are very busy, and they are eternally grateful for the lovely life they stage-manage. You nod, let a few shrill laughs escape,
say ‘of course I am excited about the baby.’ You give yourself a pep talk on the way
home. ‘Come on now; it’s not so bad; I need to grow up and do grown up things.’ And
so, you lag behind as he pushes the giant trolley like a Hebrew Slave, laden

with flat packs of Scandinavian wood; jigsaws for newlyweds. You will piece them
together in your Irish brick home in a suburb that’s too far from anywhere. A
Chinese takeaway and some craft beer will sweeten the task, and maybe a movie on
Netflix in the background. You’re a right pair; wrung out; already

eyeing up your reserves; figuring how to eke them out. Everyone approves of you except
yourselves. From here on in it’s all about putting on the brave face and flaunting the F words
as you travel towards your golden years.

©Berni Dwan 2018

Current project

Series two of the A to Z of Historical Blunders on Near FM 90.3 radio.





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