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Emerging Writer Member Profile

Donna Tub

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Member Bio:

Donna Tub writes about love, romance, marriage & dating in the 21st century. Her articles are always on the lighter side offering humorous views and fun ideas for couples who may find themselves in a relationship funk. Her articles have been published all over the world and syndicated on various websites. She operates an online adult shop based in the USA that provides classy products for couples to improve relations in the bedroom. Her shop, TheAdultToyShop.com features articles & blog entires that are classy and sophisticated proving that pleasure is for professionals, seniors and parents too. Pleasure shouldn't be taboo, Donna's view is that sex should be for REC-creation, not just PRO-creation!

Writing sample

Why we Should Treat our Spouse Like a Friend

There's a difference between the relationship with a spouse and a friend: Friends are for friendship; Spouses are for love. One of the issues that contribute to the high incidence of failed marriages is the division between these two styles of relationships. Marriage counselors are taking a new approach to this and attempting to counsel their clients treat our spouse more like a friend. This is what I've been preaching for 10 years. We should not divide our spouse and our friends. We should treat them equally. Read on for some insightful ways to reconnect your marriage on a different level.

“Love is a Battlefield”

Pat Benatar sung these lyrics in 1983 and it carries a tremendous amount of truth. Love is a polarized sensation – it hosts extremes of human emotion. Strong love and strong hate are closely tied. When we love someone dearly, we also experience the opposite end of the spectrum when things don't go well. Just think of married couples in a verbal battle, all the yelling, blaming, accusing, it seems so vicious compared to reactions in a casual friendship or even a dating relationship.

Love can breed a hostile environment when the couple has a disagreement. Arguments in marriage can be very petty from arguing over who leaves their coffee mugs on the counter most to who throws clean clothes on the floor. It's always issues of minor irritations.

Why do we do this? Because we're comfortable with the other person. Now comfort has its ups & downs too. To be truly comfortable with your partner means you can truly be yourself. You don't have to worry about messy hair or flatulence. You're settled and don't need to try to impress or be on your best behavior. Now think of this in terms of friendship. Would you ever be so petty with a friend? No. It just wouldn't stand. They might have a chat with you regarding your behavior or just avoid you all together and find a new best friend that's not so petty.

Enter the marriage lesson: If you treat your spouse like a friend, you're less likely to spaz at minor issues. Be kind! We try to be kind to our friends. We try to treat them respect. In a stalled marriage, these commandments go out the door. We don't need to put the effort in anymore because we're so comfortable. To compromise and be kind requires effort! One of the reasons we let manners and kindness slide when we're with our spouse. Take the time to analyze what you're mad about. Take a step back and decide is this really worth it? Now fort the big insightful moment that your grandmother told you about:

Pick Your Battles

Before you scold your partner for something he / she did, think to yourself: “Is this worth it?” “Is this really a big deal in the grand scheme of things?” Chances are that the answer will be “No.” So if they irritate you then talk to them with kindness. Try bringing up the topic at a later time when you're not so heated. Ask yourself “If my friends did this, how would I confront them?” and then do this with your spouse. Taking a step back from anger issues really helps!

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