In a world that has a green light to encourage ‘go,’
the forgotten cause of ‘stop’
stands for saying ‘no’.
Valerie J. Deady
Have you ever noticed when a child says no, they mean it? They stand their ground, with a clear and absolute tone and they make sure you know about it. Eventually, the simple two letter word becomes so soft and unheard, it is barely used when the child becomes an adult. As a result, most of us tend to tread lightly on this planet, naturally falling into the category of “workaholics” and “people pleasers”. Those outcomes seem inevitable since we were brought up to nod and smile and to reach out a helping hand no matter the circumstance. Don’t get me wrong, they are wonderful values to hold on to but there are times, when our inner voice says no and we should not ignore it.
Here are the 3 core reasons, why creating healthy boundaries, is an important element to engaging balance in your life..
*Your Inner Voice Speaks the Truth:
Whether you have a family, your work schedule is up the walls or your social life keeps you on your toes, it is very challenging to take a moment and be still. However, it is within those quiet and uninterrupted moments, that you hear the voice we often hush. The phrase “trust your gut” is about following the voice that is not tampered by your task driven mind. Yes, your inner voice, your intuition. You know what they say, “your gut instinct is always right”. Trust yourself, you know yourself more than anyone else in the world!
*The Power of No is Just as Powerful as Yes:
There are many people who believe that keeping busy all the time is impressive. Some of you are even congratulated for your busy lifestyle. The truth, however, is that, purposely keeping busy is a form of distracting yourself from, well, yourself. Saying no, fuels your soul and as a result, when you say yes again, your productivity, your projects, your energy for your family, friends and relationships will be much more fulfilling and balanced. Saying no creates safe boundaries between yourself and what pushes you to the point, you feel out of balance, overwhelmed or burnt out. Being able to say no when you need to, is powerful and is a necessity, if you desire stability in your life.
*Shows Others How You Respect Your Boundaries:
We often worry, by saying no, we come off as rude or selfish when that is not the case at all. It is essential that you maintain healthy boundaries with yourself and others. It is absolutely okay to cancel that coffee with your friend if you’ve had a stressful day. It is okay if you feel under the weather, overwhelmed or out of balance to take an hour or even better, a day or two to yourself. Your boundaries are valid. They are there for your own protection and to allow you to hold space for yourself, when you need it the most. Preserving your boundaries, demonstrates strength and respect for yourself. It is not rude or selfish. If others are unpleasant about you saying no once in a while, it is not a reflection on you. It’s their frustration on their own mirror and perhaps, they may need to learn a thing or two about boundaries themselves. Their reaction is also a sign why boundaries are needed. Hold a safe space for yourself! You truly deserve it!
“Daring to set boundaries is having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others”.
Researcher, Best-selling Author, Public Speaker, Social Worker.
Your boundaries are the foundation to healthy relationships with your friends, families, colleagues and most importantly yourself. Without them, we tend to take on too much, we may feel we are being taken advantage of, which in turn leave us feeling resentment, hurt or burnt out. You gain respect from those who can see and understand that you respect yourself. If there are people who do not understand this, remember this is not a reflection on you. They simply just haven’t learnt the value of boundaries themselves. No matter who is in your life, you are still responsible for you and you deserve space when you need it the most. It is vital that you learn to maintain that space in a healthy way. Bring back that child that had the ability to hold their ground and keep in mind, that your no is the point of recharge before you say yes.
(c) Valerie J. Deady