Author Catherine Kirwan on learning to ‘welcome the things I fear most to my creative mind and then write a story about them . . .’
Last year, when the Murderesses WhatsApp group blew up with an explosive discussion on the greatest fears of the Irish women crime-writer members, I didn’t have to dig deep to know what mine was. Despite that, I said nothing.
Because the things I fear most are far too real for me to talk about. They’re always there, gnawing at the edge of my psyche. The mere mention of them is enough to trigger the shivers.
And so, when someone suggested we each write a piece of short fiction about our fears, I knew that I couldn’t. The idea that I would welcome the things I fear most to my creative mind and then write a story about them? No way. It was never going to happen.
Women’s Aid
But when the chat moved on to the idea of a collection of short stories on the theme of fear in support of Women’s Aid, I was torn. It’s such a worthy cause. If I wanted to take part – and I knew that I did – I needed to find a workaround. I had to figure out how I could do it without writing a story about the things I fear most.
I’ll pause there. This is a writing platform so I’m going to assume that if you’re reading this piece you’re interested in writing. You probably already know that many successful writers and writing tutors and books about writing tell you that what you’re most scared of is where the gold is. They tell you to go towards the resistance, to lift the mouldy carpet and explore what’s underneath. It’s good advice. Usually.
I didn’t follow it. Not this time. In the end, I wrote something else, something I cared about, but definitely not something about the things I fear most.
Get it Perfect, or Get it Done
Which touches on another bit of advice you’ll find in a lot of the writing books: get it perfect or get it done. Because the wonderful thing is, once it’s done, you can make it better. As I often say, to get to a good document, you must start with a bad one.
‘Get it perfect or get it done’ reminds me of when, years ago, I went to a ‘Meet the Editor’ session at West Cork Literary Festival. I’d bought a ticket online and submitted a short extract by email for the editor to read in advance.
It was a Friday and I’d driven down after work in Cork city. I walked into the library of the Maritime Hotel with no expectations. At the time, I was attempting to write my first novel and it wasn’t going well. By booking in for the session, I was giving the dice one last throw. In the months prior, I’d lost focus and what little confidence I’d had. In truth, I didn’t think I’d ever finish the book.
But that afternoon, to my absolute and utter shock, the editor told me that what I’d written was good and that she was sure I’d get it published. She also said, ‘You’re my last appointment of the week. I want you to know that I don’t say this to everyone.’
A Moment I’ll Never Forget
It was a moment I’ll never forget. I didn’t believe her – I’m Irish, needless to say I didn’t take the compliment – but I really wanted to.
Later on, I happened to be sitting beside a critically-acclaimed author, whose books I’d read, in the packed audience for Graham Norton’s event. I didn’t know her – I still don’t – but she chatted to me as we waited for the show to start and asked what I was doing in Bantry. I told her that I was trying to write a book and she asked what kind. Still dazed from the meeting with the editor, I said, ‘I just write what I can write.’ The author replied, ‘That’s what writing is.’
Another moment. A penny dropping.
FEAR: 32 Ways of Writing
I went on to finish the book – I got it done – and it was published, as the editor had predicted. And I’ve kept on writing and forgetting how to write and writing again. It never gets easier and it never gets any less scary. There are thirty two writers in FEAR and at least thirty two ways of writing, but, different as they are, they have one thing in common. To write their stories, each of the writers had to face the biggest bogeyman of all: the blank page.
Writing is a solitary pursuit, but for this adventure we worked as a team, under the inspirational captaincy of editors Sam Blake and CL Murphy. The fruit of our collective labour is out in the world now, supporting Women’s Aid, a cause very close to our hearts.
(c) Catherine Kirwan
About FEAR: Twisted Tales from Ireland’s Leading Women Crime Writers
Thirty-two Irish female crime authors come together to explore some of life’s greatest fears in an anthology of original stories teeming with terror.
Edited by crime authors Sam Blake and C.L. Murphy, and including a foreword by Emmett J. Scanlan, this collection explores a pulse-quickening spectrum of the fears that keep us awake at night – from dolls, clowns and ghosts, to fi re, heights and doors in hidden rooms. Here you’ll find tales of being buried alive, being forgotten, of loss and betrayal – and more.
Full of thrilling twists and chilling reveals, Fear will keep you on the edge of your seat until the very last page.
Authors featured: Cecelia Ahern, Alice Bell, Sam Blake, Jen Bray, Andrea Carter, Amanda Cassidy, Marie Cassidy, Edel Coffey, Kit Conway, Claire Coughlan, Sharon Dempsey, Michelle Dunne, Fiona Gartland, Karen Gillece, Carmel Harrington, Catherine Ryan Howard, Arlene Hunt, Amy Jordan, E.V. Kelly, Olivia Kiernan, Casey King, Hannah King, Catherine Kirwan, Siobhan MacDonald, Andrea Mara, Michelle McDonagh, C.L. Murphy, Gill Perdue, Louise Phillips, Eithne Shortall, Michelle Teahan and Mary Watson.
Women’s Aid
The editors’ royalty earnings from worldwide sales of this book (expected to be at least €8,000) will be donated to domestic violence charity Women’s Aid (RCN 20012045). Contributing authors have donated their stories without renumeration to help make this possible.
Order your copy of FEAR online here.
And read more from Catherine Kirwan on Writing.ie here.
