Putting Your Life on the Page
I’ve always been a very private person, keeping myself to myself and my secrets safe. So what on earth possessed me to write a memoir and share it with the world? And more importantly, how does it feel to know that strangers are reading it and will – heaven forbid – have opinions about it (and therefore, I have to assume, opinions about me).
Writing was always something I did behind closed doors, it was enjoyable because no-one knew about it. Then something shifted. I started to send my work out to agents and publishers – small pieces at first and then entire manuscripts. The rejections came flooding in (of course) so I stopped trying for a while, staying busy with work, family, life. Easier to keep my expectations low and not be disappointed. Or so I told myself while the urge to write refused to disappear. With the support of writing friends and top-notch advice (see On Writing by Stephen King, Hodder) I soon realised that resilience was the key – plus a good dose of hope and self-belief. I started again. The rejections piled up. I kept going.
Life throwing curve balls
In the midst of it all, life was throwing a few curve balls into the mix: I was diagnosed with MS; three days later my husband was diagnosed with the same condition; my lovely brother died. These are the things that can feel so heavy it’s hard to breathe. And yet I carried on, filling my days with busyness and tasks and duty until there was no room at all to think or feel. I grew numb. I stayed silent.
Days became weeks became months until a collection of final straws pushed me to follow a dream and run away for a year. Just pack the campervan and go. And slowly, slowly the fog of fear and grief lifted as I welcomed freedom into my life. My husband and I visited seventeen countries over three hundred and sixty-one days – sixteen thousand miles over hill and dale throughout Western Europe and Scandinavia. We had fulfilled a lifelong dream.
Life Lessons
When the year out was over, I sat at my desk and started to write. As I reminisced about the journey, I started to realise that I had changed, I had learned how to feel again, how to find my place in a world that so often bodes ill. And as these life lessons unfurled, I suddenly wanted to share them with the world. Could I be vulnerable and tell my story?
There are great memoir guides out there (see Write It All Down by Cathy Rentzenbrink, Pan Macmillan) and they all remind us to dive into memory and tell the truth. My first draft was very long and very messy, as these things tend to be, and I had two major problems. The first, not insignificant, problem was that the chapters were very different lengths and therefore the pacing was all wrong. It was unbalanced and wonky to read. I knew something was not quite right. The second problem was that I didn’t know how to talk about myself. That sounds strange but think about it – how do you share your inner life in a way that is true to you but still resonates with someone else? What if my first memoir (and first published book, as it turned out) was simply too boring? I was also scared of digging so deep that all sorts of darkness would seep out and horrify my friends and family. What to do?
The Editing Process
Enter the editing process. What a marvel it is to have a good editor. By this point I had also found an agent who helped to knock the first draft into shape. It took a further two years for us to find a publisher who said yes. Gill Books set upon the manuscript with gusto and took it all apart. I was affronted. My editors were talented, yet firm, and I slowly learned how to work together to make the book shine. They pointed out (quite accurately as it happens) that I tended to tip-toe towards a big life issue and then simply skirt around it – I should, they assured me, dive deeper, allow the reader to get to know me. ‘But what if they don’t like me?’ I would cry. ‘So what’, the editors would shrug, ‘they need to trust that you’re telling the truth and they will follow you along the narrative journey’. So I had to dive deep, tell the truth and cut a lot of travel scenes. It was hard work, it was annoying, it was fun. Slowly but surely, the book took shape. I had found my voice and was ready to use it.
One Year
One Year: seventeen countries, one van, a true story of hope and healing is out now. It’s been quite the journey to get to this point and I’m still learning how to accept that my life is on the page and in strangers’ hands. I’ve been getting lovely messages from people who have read it and found themselves in there somewhere. If the book can find its way to someone who needs its message at this point in time, then I will consider it a success. Words find their way, it’s like magic.
Memoir is exposing and courageous. If you’re putting pen to paper to tell your story, just remember to dive deep. You won’t regret it.
(c) Susan Bennett
About One Year by Susan Bennett:
‘But we can’t possibly pack up our lives and just run away in a van for a whole year. Can we?’
Susan Bennett and her husband Chris are living normal, busy lives until their mid-thirties when a shock diagnosis of multiple sclerosis is delivered to both of them – in the same week, in the same hospital. This is one in a series of final straws that nudges them to follow their dream, simplify their lives, and take to the road for a year in their trusty camper van, Hans.
One Year charts their journey around western Europe and Scandinavia. Engine breakdowns, Spanish flu, French doctors and many hours spent getting lost – freedom does not come without its challenges. But slowly the fog of bereavement and burnout begins to lift as they determine to carry on regardless; the unknown road reveals unexpected life lessons such as how to recover a sense of awe and look up at big skies, how to stop and breathe, and how to find courage to live life to the beat of your own drum.
One Year is a life-affirming true story of stopping in order to start again and an inspirational memoir about rediscovering a capacity for joy and hope in the most difficult of circumstances.
Order your copy online here.
And read more Resource articles on Writing memoir here.
