• West Cork Literary Festival 8-15 July 2022

The Unsocial Sciences by Poraic Cahill

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Odd Life

Poraic Cahill

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A few dollops of mayonnaise on chips last Sunday evening turned my stomach that night & the following day. I’d to wait till Tuesday for the knotting and somersaulting to straighten out & settle down. The previous Friday I put two bottles of cider, five txirrisklas -vodka & diet coke with the juice of a squeezed lemon- and a chicken curry into the boiler tank with not a knot or jump felt the following morning. My old science teacher, Joe Reville, once told our class that the human body was the most complex creation one can study. I believe him now. Why a good sup of cider & vodka followed by a feed of chicken curry should sit well in the stomach, while a dollop of Mayo makes it stand to attention is a mystery? -well the Mayo part isn’t, as the malt vinegar used in the making of it is the most likely culprit; I’m allergic to gluten which would make this a self-inflicted suffering.

The science of my stomach was not the only study I ruminated on during the week. From a read of ‘Economics- the basics’ I reacquainted myself with what affects general savings’ levels; and like my Sunday night consumption of mayo-soaked chips, income levels affect general savings’ levels whereas like my Friday night feed of cider, vodka & chicken curry, rates of interest -even high levels- do not. As the famous economist, John Maynard Keynes pointed out, if you have a high level of income, you can save but if you have a low level -of income- you can’t.

The last time I was able to save anything was in 2012 when I was a secondary school teacher in Dublin. I can’t say when I’ll next be in a position to do it again -probably if I up my teaching hours or start flogging a few more of my books- but what I can tell you is it will take a gastric torsion of the tummy to get me to take mayonnaise again.

(c) Poraic Cahill

About Odd Life:

From a German man accusing his ex-girlfriend of attempted murder by use of her 38DD breasts, to a 107 year old having a shoot-out with the Arkansas SWAT police, the author Poraic Cahill chronicles the strange & bizarre he encounters in Odd Life.

Order your copy online here.

About the author

Poraic Cahill was born in 1976 in Dublin. He has worked as a Gardener, Butcher’s Assistant, Barman, Administrator, Secondary School Teacher, Writer and when last heard of was teaching English in the Basque Country.

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