Louisa Bello: My Inspiration for Where the Shadows End
I’ve been asked about my inspirations for Where The Shadows End many times. People naturally want to know why I decided to write an emotional literary fiction novel about a lonely, middle-aged, male, dual-heritage Londoner who also happens to be a voice hearer. I always struggle to come up with the right answer – it changes every time.
Some days, I think the book was inspired by growing up around voice hearers. People hearing voices is stigmatised in the media, but in many cultures, it is seen as a gift, and it’s more common than people think. Seeing how the voice hearers in my life struggled to follow their dreams, how they were demonised and stereotyped in the media, fuelled by my sense of justice at wanting a fairer representation for them, was possibly the catalyst for me wanting to write a more positive story for them.
Where Sam’s Life Began . . .
Other times, I think it was actually Sam, the book’s hero, who found me. The truth is, I hadn’t been planning to write a novel. I was enjoying writing short stories, which is where Sam’s life began. He first starred in London Planes, a short story I wrote for my wonderful professor Jonathan Kemp whilst I was studying creative writing.A novel was a terrifying, time-consuming activity that professional writers undertook, and I felt nowhere near as brave, confident or accomplished to attempt something like that. But with Sam, it was different, and I couldn’t stop myself from telling his story.
At the time, I was also heavily involved in volunteering in Calais, supporting refugees who had made their way to France in the hope of starting new lives in the UK. Around the same time, my good friend Bax insisted I watch the documentary Crazywise. He was so excited by it because it finally presented a different narrative around the way we treat voice hearers.
Whilst the Western world used medication to attempt to suppress voices (often exacerbating them negatively), here was proof that elsewhere in the world, voice hearers were revered and recognised as wise, gifted people. Bax is of Caribbean and Nigerian heritage, London born and bred, and I’ve known him most of my life. We’ve talked about his experiences many times since he was diagnosed when we were 21, and about the belief systems that are unique to him: all positive, kindness and creative-driven.
Being a Londoner
But perhaps it was simply being a Londoner that inspired me to write the book. Living with people who are routinely othered or misunderstood for a multitude of reasons that shouldn’t matter; perhaps they are all my inspirations. Maybe I was inspired by the joy I feel in the communities we create without meaning to.
The postie; the bus driver; bus stop sharers and journey-to-work sharers; the supermarket workers we get to know by name, or don’t know their names but spend years having chats and laughs with. All of those smaller relationships which fill our lives and make us feel less alone in the world. Or, perhaps it was meeting Old Lil in 2004, the homeless lady of Peckham who used to talcum powder her brown face white, and wore a tattered wedding dress as she trailed the streets.
Intergenerational Traumas
Inspiration could also have come from the multitude of intergenerational traumas I see my people carrying around with them, unresolved, and how it affects their life choices. How they are passed from their parent to child, and how the cycle continues over and over. In Where the Shadows End, as Sam’s fragile world begins to unravel, you can’t help feel these traumas leaking out of him.
Perhaps, my inspiration was just living my unique life, my life as a teacher and a humanitarian; my individual set of life experiences coming together and marching up through my unconscious to confront me on that blank page, on that summer day, in Professor Kemp’s class.
Where The Shadows End is Sam’s story, he wanted to tell you his unique journey of self-discovery which was triggered by his subconscious, his voices pushing him to rediscover and reclaim his heritage, to face his truth despite his fear of the consequences. Perhaps we shared that journey together more than I think.
(c) Louisa Bello
Author photograph (c) albertpalenphoto
About Where The Shadows End by Louisa Bello:
Sam, a 45-year-old Londoner of dual heritage, has lived his life accompanied by voices no one else can hear. Chief among them is the taunting echo of a childhood bully who refuses to let Sam forget the guilt he carries over his mother’s death. When his elusive, dream-like girlfriend, known only as Boat Woman, disappears without warning, Sam’s fragile world begins to unravel, and he becomes convinced that only his death can protect those he loves.
As the past and present collide in Sam’s fractured mind, he is drawn into a labyrinth of memory and revelation that challenges everything he thought he knew. But the voices that haunt him may yet become his guides, if he can only find the courage to listen. Luminous, unsettling and tender, Where the Shadows End is a powerful meditation on self-acceptance, the nature of guilt and the need to belong.
‘Energy of life, energy of language, energy of spirit – Where the Shadows End has these and more to spare. I can’t remember being so electrified by a new novel. In telling the story of Sam, with voices in his head and secrets forming and surrounding him, Louisa Bello has written a contemporary Mrs Dalloway. Here’s London, with all its terrifying gabble and hilarious sass. Here’s a falling apart hero with a psychic connection to the everything and the everyone. Here’s a writer to love, share and celebrate.’ Toby Litt
Order your copy of Where the Shadows End online here.
And read more Meet the Authors of Literary Fiction on Writing.ie here.
