Sleep deprivation made me an author . . .
The first few months after having a baby are often described as a blur of sleepless nights, endless feedings, and the overwhelming adjustment to a new, tiny person who is entirely dependent on you. Yet for me, those months turned into years – a hazy, disorienting time where I lost all sense of reality and completely lost myself. It was also during this time that I stumbled upon writing as a way to cope—and, unexpectedly, it changed my life.
Sleep deprivation is an insidious thing. At first, it manifests as a dull ache, a slow creep of exhaustion that you think you can power through. But then it compounds day after day, until the fatigue settles deep into your bones, and you start to lose touch with the rhythm of time. Hours blur into each other and you soon lose any awareness of what is real and what is not, stumbling through life in a half-awake, half-asleep limbo.
They say when you are experiencing trauma you turn to flight, fight, freeze or fawn. When you have a baby to care for none of those options are available – which is why I started writing as a form of release. Penning my first novel while caring for my one and three-year old daughters wasn’t planned or deliberate. In fact, it started out as an attempt to simply escape reality. I didn’t want to be up at 3am with a screaming baby then up at 5am with a toddler, so I ran away…in my head…to a world far more exciting than mine.
In 2012 I had an idea that refused to leave me, and that idea became my first published novel, The Path Keeper (the first book of my romantic fantasy trilogy). At first, writing was just a way to stay sane. But over time, it became something more. It became a lifeline. The sleep deprivation that once felt suffocating began to fuel a new sense of creativity. When you are running on little sleep, your mind starts to function differently. Ideas flow more freely, and the mental clutter that usually holds you back starts to clear. There’s no room for perfectionism in sleep-deprived brain fog. All you can do is write, without judgment or hesitation, and that unfiltered approach unlocked a side of me I hadn’t known existed.
The lack of sleep I endured paradoxically became the catalyst for a creative awakening and a whole new world opened up to me. In 2017 that same book was published, and with it the first step in my new career began.
Since then, I have had ten of my books published, both fantasy and thrillers. And it’s that tenth book, While My Baby Sleeps, that has brought my journey full circle. My latest thriller is about a sleep deprived mother haunted by memory loss who wakes up on her doorstep covered in blood. She’s full of rage and plagued my murderous thoughts…but could she actually be a killer?
Going back in time to channel all my previous emotions into this book was very difficult, but it paid off as it’s a story I’m immensely proud of. It’s an entertaining read in every way, but I truly hope it helps other mothers going through what I did.
In the end, sleep deprivation didn’t just change my nights; it changed my life. It pushed me to find a part of myself I hadn’t known was there, and in doing so, it reshaped my path in a way that I could never have predicted. Writing gave me a voice in the midst of the exhaustion, and that voice became a source of power and clarity in a time that had initially felt like a loss of identity. It became my salvation, my creative outlet, and ultimately my new way of seeing the world.
What had begun as a desperate need to process my emotions and escape reality resulted in a career that allowed me to not only express myself but to inspire and connect with others. It just goes to show that there is always light in the darkness, no matter how tired you are.
(c) Natali Simmonds
About While My Baby Sleeps by Natali Simmonds:
I have to stay awake… I need to keep him safe.
I haven’t slept properly since Riley was born. I love my baby so much – every noise he makes and every sleepy blink has me rushing to his side to make sure he’s safe.
Yet the lack of sleep is getting to me. There are terrifying blanks in my memory, and my temper is blindingly short. I can’t rely on my partner – I don’t even know where he is half the time. But at least I have Maggie next door. She tells me this is just what new motherhood is like, so I have no choice but to ignore the blackout rages and blurred vision, for Riley’s sake…
But after another night of no sleep, the last thing I expect is a police officer at my door. My neighbour has been found dead. The man I’ve been furious at for weeks for keeping me and the baby awake with his late-night parties.
Though really, maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised… Because this morning, I woke up on my doorstep. And I have no memory of what happened – or where the blood on my hands came from.
As I hear Riley start to cry, I swallow against the rising panic in my throat. It can’t have been me. I’m no killer, I’m just a sleep-deprived, loving mother… aren’t I?
An absolutely unputdownable, addictive suspense thriller with a jaw-dropping twist. Perfect for fans of gripping page-turners like The Housemaid, The Family Across the Street and The Family Upstairs.
Order your copy online here.
