Please note that this article is for writers over the age of 18!
There has been a lot of talk lately about the sudden rise in the popularity of erotic novels, attributed to the advent of the e‑reader and the privacy it affords. Now you can read smut on the train and no one will know, so the thinking goes. But commercial women’s fiction has always had its fair share of steamy sex scenes, and the popularity of racy novels for women is nothing new, as anyone who grew up with the bonkbusters of the eighties will tell you. Many of us have fond memories of losing our literary virginity to the heroes of Jilly Cooper, Judith Krantz or Jackie Collins, and often it is the sex scenes from those books that have stayed with us the longest.
It’s a shame, then, that so many writers fear sex scenes and avoid them like a dose of the clap. Granted, writing sex is notoriously difficult. There’s the naming of parts and the tricky issue of what words to use. The potential for embarrassment is high – and that’s before you even think about your mother or your boss reading it. You have to steer a narrow path between coy and crude; between sex-manual mechanics and purple prose. And there’s always the spectre of the Bad Sex Awards hanging over you. But I think it’s a pity that writers are so intimidated by sex scenes. And it begs the question, why?
Sex is just a part of life, after all – it’s a physical activity like going for a run, dancing or having a swim. But writers don’t baulk at having to describe those things. Yet so often when it comes to sex scenes, the cry goes up: ‘Can’t I just leave it out?’
You can, of course. But if you’re writing about relationships, sex is an important part of that. Whether the sex is good, bad or indifferent, it can reveal a lot about the characters’ feelings towards each other and about the state of their relationship. Avoiding sex scenes feels like a cop-out to me, particularly if you’re writing romance. They don’t have to be detailed or graphic, or even long – sometimes just a few sentences is enough. But they should be sufficient. Like good sex, they should leave the reader feeling satisfied. I find it frustrating when a whole book has been leading up to this moment between two people, and then when it finally arrives, the bedroom door is firmly shut in my face. In a love story, the sex scene is the payoff and I feel cheated if it’s left out. Besides, we all enjoy a bit of raunch, don’t we?
It’s not just about titillation, though. A good sex scene can add sensual texture and vibrancy to your novel, just like good writing about food or a walk in the countryside on an autumn day. It can also tell us more about the characters, add layers of depth to a relationship and move the plot forward. And your readers will thank you – judging by the feedback I’ve received, readers love a steamy scene or two and appreciate it when a writer is prepared to ‘go all the way’.
Personally, I love writing sex scenes. But for those who don’t, I think the key to making them less daunting is to approach them like any other scene. With that in mind, here are some of my tips for writing sex:
- Keep it grounded in the character’s experience. If you were writing a scene where your heroine was baking a cake, you wouldn’t plod step-by-step through the weighing and mixing, the adding of two cups of this to half a teaspoon of that. Instead you might describe the fine cloud of flour that hangs in the air and tickles her nose, the squelch of the mixture as she stirs it in the bowl, the smell of melting chocolate, the taste of raw batter licked off the spoon – you’re not giving a recipe, you’re trying to evoke the whole experience of making the cake. It’s the same with sex.
- Remember that sex is a sensual experience. That means engaging all the senses – sight, hearing, taste and smell, as well as touch.
- Less is more. You don’t have to describe every move from the first kiss to the last quiver of orgasm – just as if you were writing a car journey, you wouldn’t describe every gear change and turn of the steering wheel. A few sensual details will bring it alive more than pages and pages of who-put-what-where.
- Strike a balance between the emotional and the physical. Too much mechanical description will leave the reader cold; too much emotional hyperbole and sentimentality won’t ring true and will leave her feeling nauseous.
- Build up to it. Unresolved sexual tension is to a sex scene as foreplay is to sex. It can be more erotically charged than the sex itself, and it heightens the effect when it’s finally resolved.
- Keep it real. Don’t have your characters floating around in the clouds and exploding into a million pieces. Keep them here on planet earth – in that bed; on the table, feeling the hard wood against their back; getting carpet burns on the floor. Remember that while sex can be mind-blowing, it can also be awkward, embarrassing, funny, routine, messy or just plain awful. Sometimes people speak. Sometimes they laugh.
- Be true to the characters. Don’t suddenly turn your diffident, reserved hero into a porn star just because he’s in a sex scene. You’re writing about real people with inhibitions, hang-ups and insecurities that don’t magically disappear when they get between the sheets. The same goes for dialogue – keep it in character.
- Make sure it’s relevant. Writing sex is fun, but don’t get carried away once you’ve got the hang of it. The sex scene should move the plot forward or tell us something about the characters – and not just that they can do it five times up against a door without a break.
- Avoid silly euphemisms. People will just laugh at your throbbing member. Use words that you’re comfortable with and that don’t make you squirm. It’s possible to write an effective sex scene without mentioning genitals at all – sex also happens with hands, skin, tongues, teeth, and all the senses as mentioned earlier.
Relax, have fun and go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? You get dinner at the Bad Sex Awards.
